Autism Awareness-what does that mean?
April is Autism awareness month. I’m sure most of you have seen the “Autism Awareness” ribbon more this month and messages posted on twitter and facebook have kept you informed. However, have any of you ever considered what that means? Autism Awareness…?
As a mother of a child with Aspergers Syndrome (high functioning Autism) I am fully “aware” of what it means to have Autism through my amazing young man. When explaining what it means to have an Autistic child or what it means to be an Autistic child I am shocked at how little people know about this “syndrome” that is on the rise in our country.
Autism statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 American children as on the autism spectrum–a ten-fold increase in prevalence in 40 years. Careful research shows that this increase is only partly explained by improved diagnosis and awareness. Studies also show that autism is three to four times more common among boys than girls. An estimated 1 out of 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls are diagnosed with autism in the United States. By way of comparison, this is more children than are affected by diabetes, AIDS, cancer, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or Down syndrome, combined.* ASD affects over 2 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide. http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism
What is Autism? What is an Autism spectrum disorder? Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. They include autistic disorder, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome. ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances. Some persons with ASD excel in visual skills, music, math and art. http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism
Every Autistic child is and individual, as is every child. They come with their own specific “differences” that have to be addressed. Autism is a “spectrum”, like a rainbow. The colors will meld into the others, some are bright and noticeable where other colors are muted but still there. Autistic children are similar to the spectrum of a rainbow. Some difficulties are vibrant where others are muted. I find that most people assume that Autism comes with some form of “retardation” which is far from the truth. There are many Autistic people who fall on the “high functioning” side of the rainbow. They are able to take care of themselves, but have difficulty with social interactions. I use the term “difference” instead of “syndrome” or “issues” simply because my child is “different” not a “syndrome” or an “issue”. We are all different in our own special way, but an Autistic child’s differences are more noticed socially.
Isn’t it weird how we are born with specific “social cues” that are just intuitive? It is awkward to sit or stand too close to someone. It becomes necessary to take care of personal grooming needs, because of how we will be viewed socially. We might have our “own style”, and that becomes a necessary part of daily life. We tend to know when we are talking too loud or too much. We have the ability to read facial expressions and body language. Right? No one has to actually teach you how to do these social things. Intuitively we just know…
Those are examples of things an Autistic child does not “just know”. Social cues are not “built in” the hard-wiring of an Autistic person. I know you have been in contact with someone that has Autism. Specifically a high functioning or an Aspie person. Think about all of your teachers, college professors, and that “weird kid” that just didn’t fit in. Why did they not “fit in”? What kind of odd behaviors have you noticed with some of the smartest people you know?
Odd…Weird…Strange…Akward are all words that will often define an Autistic person. We say this because to us it makes no sense to us to act the way they do in society. Social cues are something that come natural to us and it is hard to realize that for some people, a growing number, these natural cues are void.
Imagine how hard daily life would be if you were always questioning your social actions and behaviors? OR-worse yet, if all of your actions and behaviors were under scrutiny by others.
My Aspie child is in the most difficult years of his life. We all have our own personal struggles in Middle School and High School. It is an awkward time in life and standing out in the crowd is not necessarily a good thing. Autistic children are always the brunt of bullying activities. They tend to be a target because they don’t “fit in” and they don’t stand up to their bullies appropriately, or are not taken seriously when there is an issue.
Autistic Teens face more difficulty then most teens. They are often depressed and stressed out trying to manage school work, bullies, and parents that just don’t seem to “get it”. The suicide rate in Autistic teens is much higher then that of a non-autistic child.
They want to relate to their peers and bond with others, but usually end up repelling them. Which can cause Autistic Teens to become more needy and desperate. This can cause their peers to stay away or take advantage of the child that just wants to fit in. Autistic Teens tend to fall into the wrong crowed easier, have issues with Internet pornography, drugs and criminal activity. They tend to become depressed and overly emotional because of the constant rejection they face daily.
I have seen my child struggle on a daily basis. He is a smart, talented and compassionate individual. However, those things mean nothing to his peers who only see “weird”, “strange”, “odd”, “awkward” and the list of words could go on and on. He is bullied daily. He has been physically assaulted more then once, but I know what hurts the most is the teasing tormenting words kids say every day. One thing that I tell him when he is feeling down is, “One day, YOU will write their paychecks!” After he has passed this battle of adolescences I know that his good qualities will shine above his Asperger Syndrome awkwardness.
I know that he will be respected for his intellect and talents instead of being under the microscope. I know he will be a valuable person in society because of what he has to offer. I wish he knew these things…
Bullying is finally starting to be noticed and taken more seriously. I am happy for Lee Hirsch’s documentary “Bully”. I think it should be shown in all High School’s. Often times Teens don’t consider what their actions are doing to others. Face it, Teens don’t really think outside themselves. I think bullying is something that we need to take serious in today’s society. No-body’s child deserves to be treated like mine has! We need to be “aware” of social differences and take a stand against the “kids being kids” mindset. Kids are down right mean, and when you are an Autistic child you are a target.
I will defend my child to the end, but I can’t be there to help him through is day to day life. I know that many parents aren’t proactive in helping their child know the “rights and wrongs” when it comes to social interactions. Many Autistic children go undiagnosed and are left feeling alone in the world. Knowledge is power!
Educate yourself about Autism. Early intervention is the key. There are therapies and medications that can help an Autistic child. Sometimes the key that unlocks the door of mystery is in the knowledge of what having Autism about.
It is important to keep in mind that autism spectrum disorders are not one disorder with one cause. Rather, the term represents a group of related disorders with many different causes. In most instances, AS/HFA is caused by a combination of genetic risk factors that may interact with environmental risk factors. Many genes likely contribute to Asperger Syndrome/HFA. These genes are believed to interact with environmental factors. A great deal of research is currently focused on identifying how both genetic and environmental risk factors contribute to autism. There may be some common misconceptions about people with Asperger Syndrome/HFA. AS/HFA cannot be caused by the way a person was brought up, bad parenting, or emotional issues a child may have experienced at some point early on. Asperger Syndrome/HFA is a neurobiological disorder, and not the result of issues stemming from the child’s life experiences. http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome
I think that “Awareness” can change the future for all Autistic children and adults (don’t forget, children grow up). We, as a nation, need to be proactive in taking care of each child’s needs. Each child needs to feel accepted, loved, respected, and important in this world. Be a part of the solution not a part of the problem!
Please take time to visit http://www.autismspeaks.org/ and learn more about Autism.
I think I kinda like this guy…
I have spent my entire marriage of 15 years with a soldier. I was a part of our decision to be a Military family. I was involved in the entire process, from sending off my skinny mechanic ranch hand to Basic Training and getting a muscle bound ready for anything soldier in return. I was also here for the Man who came home from his third deployment broken and warn out. I have worn the hat of Milspouse for fifteen years and done it proudly. In many ways I have lost the man I fell in love with so many years ago when we were high school sweethearts. I know he feels the same about me. We have been living this life “together” apart for many years. Which will cause changes in you as a person and your relationship. Changed because of the path life has taken us.
During my time as a Milspouse, we moved away from the only “Home” I have ever known then on 911 our country was attacked . That day was like any other for me. I was dropping off #1 at preschool and driving back with the “babies” to start my normal day of being a Mother and Wife. The Man Thing was in the field for two weeks of training. On the radio I heard of the attack and like many others turned on the tv and saw the second plane. That was the the first time the now familiar feeling of “panic” creep-ed into my life. I saw the world change especially the one I lived in. War…
I sent my soldier off to war for the first time as our country waged war on Iraq for the second. He was the first to go live in the dirt. We panicked as we watched them march away. I was completely alone for the first time in my life. When he returned early I was there to pack our belongings to move away to another state. We were off to flight school. We didn’t fare well during that time.
I was there to send him off to war for the second time. This time to fight from the sky. I endured fifteen months alone. Shortly after his return, he went to another school away from home then received his third set of deployment orders. This time as a maintenance test pilot. (“test pilot” means fly the broken stuff) We said goodbye again. That time I was more panicked. The lingering question was, how many times do you get to come home before you don’t?
The circumstances of his return were less then perfect, but he’s here. He is home to stay for the first time in Eleven years. I am so thankful that he made it back to us. He is here, in my house everyday. He isn’t leaving. I wont be alone again. I can’t tell you how weird that is!…lol It is so strange to have this man in my house all the time. He helps me with decisions and takes care of the kids. He Leaves his crap all over and moves my things…lol! I have never spent so much time with the guy since he put a ring on my finger. Honestly, it was an adjustment at first. I wasn’t sure how the whole thing would go. The whole living together forever thing. We had spent so much time apart in the last Fifteen years we had no idea how to spend it together. We are a work in progress..tee hee
I am finally starting to let that panic slip away. He is with me and we are doing life together daily. I think I kinda like this guy! I’m looking forward to “forever” after our Military life has come to a close. So much of this time in the military I have spent waiting for life to happen together. I am excited to have a husband/wife relationship when we are both living in the same house…shoot, the same country! I am here to say, it is possible for us all. Hang in there, work things out, get help if you need it. Marriage is an amazing blessing and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Not only did we sign on the dotted line to sacrifice for our country, but we vowed to do it together as a Husband and Wife.
The Military community has a very high rate of divorce. I know first hand why this can take place. Having a relationship with years spent apart and trying to bounce back from the pendulum swing of each coming and going isn’t an easy task. Over coming the changes that take place seems almost impossible at times. Milspouses are tough! We can make it successfully through some real difficult times. After it is all said and done, there is still a long life to live. I am thankful and blessed beyond measure to be able to live it out with the one I chose “In goodness, and in bad” “In sickness and in Health” for “Richer or poorer”. I love my country, but I think I love my husband more.
My life has background music
I love the guitar. I don’t play myself, but always dreamed that my children would play for me. Now that dream has come true!
I couldn’t be more proud of my Son. We gave him an electric guitar for his 8th grade graduation gift. A nice Schester Diamond, with a good amp, pedals, and cords. It joined the handmade acoustic given to me by my Uncle that I passed on to him.
In less then a year I have a guitar player in the house. He can read/write music, play rifs on both the electric and acoustic and is currently learning to sing and play at the same time.
My life has background music! He likes to play for us. When he is home and done with chores, he is usually playing. He is like a personal mariachi.
When I am talking to The Man Thing about something serious in the background I hear “Folsom Prison Blues”. When the conversation switches to something lighter the music changes to something light like, “Hey baby” or “Jessie’s Girl”. When I am power cleaning “Crazy-train” or “Thunderstruck” is playing. When I am talking about or with my Spanish speaking friends, I hear “Mexican City” or “Slow Ride”. When I am chit chatting with company he plays the theme from Strong Hold 2, “Castle Jam”. If something is stressful, “enter Sandman” comes blazing through the house. When I am snuggling his siblings or The Man Thing he plays “Stand by me”, or “hold on loosely”.
He follows me through the house as if to be helping me along with my chores or conversations. Often times I have to say, “SSSSTOP! PLEASE!” Ever have a mariachi band serenade you? It’s nice at first, but after a while it kinda gets creepy. You want to eat your food and have conversation without the music. I know that he is playing to make me feel happy and it works most days. Unless I am on the phone trying to get my point across to someone and I hear “La Grange” blasting in my ear!
Toby Keith is loved in this house. “Red Solo Cup” is his favorite song right now. I liked that song the first, uhm? five times I heard it. I have a Fourteen year old who not only plays it constantly, but sings the words while playing. I’m pretty sure that is some kind of parental negative on my part. “The best receptacle…pair of testicles…Freddy Mac can kiss my ___” “Let’s have a PARRTY! Lets have a PARRRTY!” Yeah-he knows all the words, sings them regularly. I told him that maybe that song should only be sung inside the house for now. “Red Solo cup, you’re more then just a cup..you’re my friend”..lol Yeah, probably not something I should have my teenage Son singing in the garage for the neighborhood. However, he has gotten it down pretty well. It is the first song he learned to play and sing along with. Yep, “Red Solo Cup”. No not something sweet, or moving…a song about getting drunk. Fantastic!
At any rate, I am amazed at his ability and love hearing him play for me. I know that these times of trying to focus with “The Hey Song” or “Coconut Island” (a song he wrote his self) playing in the background will soon fade and I will eventually have to beg him to play for me. I feel blessed to have children with the gift of musical talent. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
“Just Hold On Loosely
But don’t let go
If you cling to tightly
You’re gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
So Hold On Loosely”
8 months already? Whoa! Where have I been?
I feel like I am waking up from a long doped up stoop-er. I guess the grief cycle does last about 6 months (longer in this case). Strange, I rarely accept the advice our therapist gives me (maybe I should start..lol)
When The Man Thing medivaced home from Iraq it was a life changing event. Life changing in more ways then one. I was told it would take about 6 months to adjust and go through the “grief process” of our experience. As a Milspouse I thought to myself, “What’s the big deal? He’s home, safe, and we are constantly in the adjustment mode. We’ve got this!”. Little did I know that what happened was far more then I was able to handle.
I know that I have somewhat of a super-woman complex. I think this is our (milspouses) way of getting though this almost always difficult lifestyle. When you think you can…you can…the end! I never considered that something would come along and knock me on my ass this hard. Literally.
Nothing about this situation has been “normal”. Not even by my standards and my standards are well…less then normal most days..lol I didn’t think that I would be so “wrecked” about what happened, because I felt so blessed by the outcome. Simply put, he came home. Thank you Lord! However, it is very similar to when “he came home” the first time. If you have had that first time you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t experienced this first hand, it is what you can imagine living with a stranger you are in love with is like. Which, is a pretty confusing thing to comprehend.
This time he came home and that ever burning spark that I see in his eyes didn’t arrive with him. He came home injured. Injured beyond repair by Army standards. He left his mission, his comrades, his friends behind. He will have never fly again. Those words are hard for me to write. The facts still remain.
I had not learned in life truly how much love, security, safety, trust etc. I had in my loyal lifelong companion. I took that for granted for sure. When he came home “broken”, and I mean in spirit as well as in physical body, I didn’t know how to handle it.
He is the one who is “always there”, even when he isn’t here physically. He is the one who takes care of me. He is the one who never gives up, always has a plan for life, and is tenacious in his ability to achieve goals. He keeps my crazy self grounded and on an even keel when the going gets tough. Even though we lived miles apart often and I am capable of taking care of business, he was my safety net if I royally screwed things up. When he came home, he needed me. He wasn’t able to fill those positions he always held in our life. It freaked me out!..lol
I have the greatest amount of sympathy for him in the world. I can’t imagine the pain he is going through during this transition. I am here to tell you, transitioning out of the Army is no easy feat on the emotions. Especially when you love what you do and are told you have no choice but to quit. We weren’t ready to hear that! We have 7 more years left. After 10 years in, the plan was…make it to retirement. That plan has been derailed.
I also have the greatest amount of empathy you can imagine. I know what it is to get “sick” or injured. I know what that kind of “your life will never be the same” situation feels like. I know those frustrations and fears. I never wanted that for him. Ever!
I felt like my sickness was something personal I battled. I was up for the task finally. No more freaking out. No more self loathing. No more pity partying. I was ready to take it head on and do the best I could with the hand I was dealt. As long as it was just my hand, I felt like everything was going to be alright. I am “Super-Gina” after all. I can do this! If I think I can…I can…the end!
Then a phone call came in that rocked my world. “Gina? You okay!?”, “Yes why?”….long pause….then the news that my Love had been medivaced out of Iraq and sent to Germany was given over the phone while I was out celebrating my youngest child’s 10th birthday at month of the military child festival. Standing in a field of people, children running a muck, hearing the happy giggles in a muffled tone I tried to grasp the words being spoken to me. Trying to catch my breath and steady my feet I decided to press on with our day and not look too upset to the Birthday boy and his siblings. However, from that moment on I was stunned.
Each step of the process has been painful. Each hurdle we have climbed has felt like the highest. This race seems like it has been the longest in our lives. A marathon of mixed emotions and fear. We are only halfway there (if that), but finally I am starting to gain ground. The fog is lifting and I am regaining my composure of the “Superwoman” that I am.
Just when we thought we were going to get the boot. While job applications were filled, VA benefits were decided and worries about his health grew the Army did us a favor. They decided to give him the medical care he needs and deserves.
Yes, we were ready to move forward. Leave all of this stress behind us (of course only for a new kind of stress) and make a change. However, The Man Thing needs to have back surgery. That has finally been established. It was expressed waaaay back in April by the doctors in Germany, but these days the Army is more interested in letting soldiers go then doing the right thing. It seemed as if they would rather let the VA take care of his issues then let him get the medical care he needed right away and allow for him to get back on his feet again. It seemed we were being pushed out the door. “Thanks but no thanks, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out”. It seemed as if there was no real compensation for his sacrifices, for our sacrifices as a family, for the time we invested, and the enormous changes made since that very first “He came home. Thank you Lord” moment. It seemed….
Things seem a bit more promising these days. I feel like I can take a breath and I don’t have to brace for impact any longer. Well, at least not right away that is. I feel a reprieve in knowing that The Man Thing has a possibility of relief from his pain. I feel thankful and ready with more steady legs to climb that next ladder.
The Man Thing has surgery early next month. It’s a pretty serious ordeal and he will be down and out for a good bit of time. I know that he will drive me crazy…lol! I also know that I don’t mind. I am so blessed to be able to have him safe in our home and still able to plan for a future together. The outcome could have easily been different. I remind myself of that every day.
This Person I used to be
I remember me…
That person I used to be
It’s been a long time
Lately nothing feels “mine”
I remember me…
That person I used to be
I’m still in here somewhere
Although, not as willing to share
I remember me…
Once happy-go-lucky
Now, not quite as care free
Gee?
I remember..
Maybe?
Not the same, but still “me”
Crazy!
Life has definitely thrown some curves
I’ve caught some and dodged a few
Got smacked in the face too..
Change happens
It’s destined to be
If you like it or not, You’ll see
Lines have formed on my face
Concern and wisdom takes place
Stuck somewhere between maturity and… wait?
I remember me…
Yet, still not the person I want to be
Someday, maybe?
I remember me…
That person I used to be
Wish I could go back in time
Change some decisions of mine
That person I used to be…
Full of beauty and charm
Fun and lively!
Thoughtless harm.
That person I used to be…
Busy and active
Full of life
A different kind of drive
Now, calm..
Older does mean wiser
Right?
But, is it for the better?
I remember me…
That person I used to be
Grown up, finally?
I remember me
That person I used to be
It’s a little strange to see
Someday I will look back
And remember
This person I used to be
Again…
MyStats